Proving Old Wives Tales Wrong

We did it! We made it to 38 weeks! Now… get out. People may judge for trying to get him out before 40 weeks. I’ll be honest; I used to do it too. One of my sisters was just so ridiculous when it came to getting her first baby out that I swore I’d never ever do it. Here I am, 38 weeks pregnant, just begging for my body back and my baby in my arms. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP ON MY STOMACH! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I’m just kidding. The real reason I want him out is because I am walking around super dilated and almost completely effaced. He has been dropped since before 33 weeks. Most women who are dilated as much as I am are in the hospital a few centimeters before me and have the baby soon after. Most babies don’t even drop until heavy labor begins! Not this girl and not this baby. I am walking around like this daily.

My little Monster went from giving me minor Braxton Hicks to full on contractions around 34 weeks, scaring the crap out of me. If I had him before 37 weeks he'd be considered premie and they would take him straight to the NICU. My birth plan would be moot. So, of course, I panic. At my appointment after the first set of contractions we were told we’d be safe at 36 weeks. Thank goodness! Doctor’s appointments came and went and we are making more and more progress without baby being here. Now that he is safe to come, he has retreated! Apparently, he is horrified of the real world (I’m going to blame the fiscal cliff). So I’ve tried everything to naturally induce labor. Here are a few old wives tales I've proven wrong this week:

-Walking is the best or so I hear. Well… I’ve walked. I’ve jogged. I’ve walked and jogged up a 10 incline on a treadmill forever. I just keep walking. NOTHING.

-Drinking a lot of water is also important, but I already drink a gallon a day. I can’t really increase that. I already pee enough!

-Spicy food… I’m a baby. I can’t do it. I tried, but my heritage means nothing when it comes to spicy food. The best I can do it a bean dip at a local restaurant. I gorged myself for two days. I ate as much as my body good handle. So I tried some wings. They were very delicious, but no luck. (Shout out to Mama Rios for bringing them to me despite being exhausted and already done with dinner.)

-Certain spices like oregano and basil are supposed to help. No sirree!

We borrowed an exercise ball and I’ve bounced and swiveled my hips and bounced some more. I did it until I was nauseous, multiple times. Did it get anything started? Nope.

-I also discovered that I am allergic to pineapple while testing the pineapple theory. I just love a fat tongue and itchy throat.

-I have done more Michael Jackson dance game than anyone ever. I could probably do every song with my eyes closed. The moving, shaking, jumping, bouncing is supposed to help. That was a bust.

-Walking with one foot on the curb and one foot on the street. That was miserable. That hurt my back so bad.

-Two stairs at a time was interesting. Your belly gets in the way so it is super awkward. I still did it and nothing, not even a cramp.

-This was a weird one… swinging. First of all, swings are made for children, not a 38 week pregnant adult. Second, WHERE DID WE GET ALL THE ENERGY TO SWING FOR HOURS ON END? Seriously. I don’t know how I did it when I was younger. It was absolutely exhausting. I know I get winded easier than before, but I still think that it has to be tiring when you are not pregnant. I still did it. I looked like a creep at a playground without children, but I did it. You know the outcome though… baby is still in there. 

So there you have it. My body is ready, baby is scared. I really love pregnancy but it has gotten very painful. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love this special little man and the irreplaceable bonding. I will always cherish this.